matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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