So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How does it feel to date your dad?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
