Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
