dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
