Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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