Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
