this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
