I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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