I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
