i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
