I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
