He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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