my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
