I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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