I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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