Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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