bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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