saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize