Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
