i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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