We're like a lot better than the average bears
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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