you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
