When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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