i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
