is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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