remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize