You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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