Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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