Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
