Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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