Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
