i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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