Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
