he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
