Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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