I can tuck mytits in my pants
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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