flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
