wat bout pragnant strippers??
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
