this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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