I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I cut my penus on the lid.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
