Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
