If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
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When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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