haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
