i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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