Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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