he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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