it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
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Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
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Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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