Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She is in my trunk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
