y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
