Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
