god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
