So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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