I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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