just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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