hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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