So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
