How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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