All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
