He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
