im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
