Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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