Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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