He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
