Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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