If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
