Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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