can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
