$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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