So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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