so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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