I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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