end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
