when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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