party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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