I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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