sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
