My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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