Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
