I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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