i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize