the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
