three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
As shirtless as possible
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
