my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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