I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I checked into jail on foursquare
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
