You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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