I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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