I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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