I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There r osticjed everywhere
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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